Because I blow it. A lot.

Isn't it amazing how God can speak in such resounding tones, but then in the gentlest whisper?  How His majesty can make the trees tremble and the lightning flash, but when my soul is hurting, His voice blows gentle as a summer breeze?  Oh, it is amazing.

Sometimes, right about the time that I feel like I've conquered my demons, I blow it.  Or I feel like I blow it and those demons come crawling right back, leaving me back at the point where I began.  Sometimes those demons are anger, jealousy, or resentment.  Sometimes stubbornness and pride.  Sometimes hatred.  Just when I feel like I've dug out my demons, I notice the roots pulling me back.

Oh, but my God is amazing.  So, today as I felt some of those demons tugging at me, begging me to sink into the pit that they've created for me, I stumbled upon a blog that I follow by Ann Voskamp called When you feel like you just keep blowing it.  As I read through her account of the day she blew it, but the grace received, I feel Him.  I feel that gentle whisper.  I haven't blown it.  Because my God is gracious and merciful.  Because my God chooses to breathe upon my life, filling it with His spirit... even when I choose to ignore it.  

Even as I wonder when I will ever become the woman that Christ sees me as, I know that I will continue to blow it.  My flesh will continue to creep in.  But my God is never-ending.  To turn from a blow to the cross and recognize His glory makes it worthwhile.  I am so imperfect.  Oh, but He loves me.  Oh, how He loves me.