Journeys of a Woman-Child Stepmom: Vol. 2

Things I've learned this week:

1. Be careful who you tease.  If you don't know that person and it's in a professional setting, particularly a stressful one, don't tease.  It will possibly get you punched in the face.  Note: I did not punch this person in the face.  However, in a moment that I'm quite certain would not make Jesus proud, I did perhaps wish that he would forget to roll up his car windows in a torrential downpour.  Don't judge me - he was an ass. 
2. I have an addictive personality.  I'm not saying this as an excuse, simply as an observation that I have discovered this week.  That's why I can read the same book 10 gazillion times and watch the same movies over and over.  Or why something sweet cannot be in the house or why I can eat pumpkin pie for every meal until it's gone.  This is also why I can be overtaken by things that don't matter - because I focus on them incessantly.  I'm working on it. 
3. Take time for your "extended" family - meaning not just the ones who live in your house.  It can turn into such a blessing, even if you're just sharing a meal and some good conversation. 
4. It's completely normal to get frustrated, aggravated, even pissed.  Just remember not to take it out on the people you love and the people who love you.  Because once your blood pressure comes back down, they are going to be the ones to laugh about it with you. 
5. Don't take for granted the people you work for.  Someone that you spend 8 hours a day with - especially if there are only a couple of you (rather than a big company) - are bound to become your family.  This is a shout-out to my work family :) I am so blessed to work for a tight-knit company.
6. I like coffee - and by coffee, I mean the drowned, sugary, cappuccino version.  Mmmm... chocolate caramel pecan cappuccino is a great way to start the morning.  I am going to conveniently forget how many calories it has, though.  Don't judge me.

Until next week,
Keep Reflecting :)

Journeys of a Woman-Child Stepmom: Vol. 1

I've decided that I need a title that will stick with my posts that are actually more like random thoughts than full, cohesive posts. 

Thus begins the Journeys of a Woman-Child Stepmom.  It may sound silly, but it really describes me perfectly.  This is a journey - and I'm realizing that the end product is not today.  It is not tomorrow.  I may never even see it.  It is a journey.  Also, it connects because when I got married I was a woman-child (still am, most days).  If you understand where I am coming from on that one, fabulous.  If you don't, then I can't explain it.  You have to have lived that woman-child feeling to know what I mean. 

Anyways, back to random post - Journeys of a Woman-Child Stepmom: Volume 1

Things I've learned this week:

1. The first week of school was created to test the patience and endurance of moms, dads and teachers alike, I am convinced.  Oh my goodness.  The clothes, the supplies, the schedules, the lists and forms.  If you can make it through the first week of school with all of your hair still attached to your head, congratulations.  That is most definitely a major accomplishment.  I applaud you.  I applaud myself - since I still have most of my hair and it is now going into the second week of school!
2. Eyebrows do grow back - fairly quickly, actually.  If one's child was to shave said eyebrows almost completely off (or enough off to make her look constantly surprised), a mother need only to wait approximately a month and a half for said eyebrows to make a full reappearance and said child to look normal again.  Note to self: It's a good thing our razors stay safely in our bathroom (as she showers in her own).  I think her mother has learned to hide her razors now. 
3. When you turn your back on the public library for "better" things, such as a Kindle and e-books, said mystical, magical library will wait patiently for you.  It will stay still and silent, waiting for you to delve back into the depths and rows of FREE books.  And once you step foot back in there, you will most likely be transported to a place that you remember - hours wandering through row upon row of books with every imaginable topic and cover, the silence of the library just beckoning you to pick up a book and see where you end up, piling them up in your arms until you can't carry anymore to the front desk, hours upon hours of a thick book in your hands, breathing in the musty smell of worn paper, eyes pouring over each page and worn out crease.  Ah... thanks for waiting for me. 
4. The best recipes come from scratch - or at least a version of scratch.  I made cheesy garlic drop biscuits today.  I've made them twice before but both times were failures.  Today, I added the main ingredients and then didn't take another look at the recipe... Absolutely delicious!  My husband sang my praise, my child fell at my feet (well, maybe not quite, but they were both quite pleased).  Here's my recipe:
1. Mix 2 cups of Bisquick in a bowl with a spoonful of minced garlic, salt, pepper, basil, oregano, and a pinch of crushed red pepper.
2. Then mix in just enough milk to make a sticky dough.  Note: They will expand/liquefy some in the oven, so go a little more to the sticky side.
3. Add in several handfuls of shredded cheese and mix well.
4. Drop onto a baking sheet and bake at 425 degrees for about 10-12 minutes.
5. If you ever put items in a storage unit, spend the extra money to get a climate controlled one.  I witnessed a friend's horror at unloading her storage unit only to discover that not only were there spiders in the boxes (obviously inevitable) but her furniture had mold on it from the humidity and several pictures were ruined.  Thank goodness, I know a guy who cleans carpets and upholstery... ;)
6. If you find a book you love, don't feel bad about reading it over and over and over again.  As long as you're still just as in love with it each time. 
7. Don't feel like a bad parent when you tell your child to put away the Kindle and pick up an actual book.  Or when you tell her that she can't play on the computers at the library because the library is for finding books.  Unexpectedly, she may find one that she loves and blow you away by how fast she reads it - especially being only in the 2nd grade.  Also, you might end up finding the entire family crashed out on the living room furniture, television off, each one totally engrossed in their own books.  My, my, my... isn't the silence divine?
8. A baby giggled/smiled/walked to me at church today.  I'm pretty sure I wanted to take him home.
9. I cannot accomplish everything at one time.  I am not superwoman.  So, pick a pile and work diligently through it until it disappears.  Don't beat yourself up or stress over the fact that there is so much to do.  Do what you can when you can.  Unless you're like a surgeon or something, then there's a little more pressure to get things done in a specified time slot and correctly.

That is about all my brain has room for at the moment since I'm relaxing and it's almost bed-time :)  Have a fabulous week and learn all sorts of new things.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

Mothering Instincts Aren't Always Natural

Sometimes I see these Southern, Christian mothers out and about and it just makes me feel horrible about myself.  They're so put together, so calm, so lady-like and graceful.  They love their children more than life and dote on them openly.  Everything is baby powder and sleep schedules and flowers and perfect. 

Now, granted, I know that most of that is probably a façade put on by a woman who was never told that it was okay to be honest about motherhood.... but that's not my point, yet.

They say that your mothering instinct kicks in when you have a child.  When I got married, I just assumed that the mothering instincts would kick in because I became a stepmom. 

WHAT A CROCK! 

Let me tell you a little something about motherhood and being a parent...

Some women (myself) don't naturally have that mothering instinct.  Oh yes, we love babies - but only until they start wailing and then we want to give them back to whomever can quiet them.  Oh yes, we love children - but sometimes our first instinct when they fall down is not to rush over and gently pick them up, but to tell them to get up and shake it off.

Here are a few things no one tells you about motherhood (or at least no one told me):

1. Sometimes you will hide in the bathroom with a cupcake because you just can't handle one more question or trivia fact or mention of your name with a need attached.
2. There will be many times that you want to simply tell the child in question to shut up.
3. Sometimes you'll do what is easiest, not necessarily best (lunchables, anyone?)
4. Some days you will look at said child and think, "Who the hell is this and why are they in my house?" 

Something no one tells you is that mothering is not always instinctual, it's not always natural, it's not always rose-colored.  In the Baptist South, where ladies are sweet and their children are supposed to be angels, no one tells you that. 

It doesn't always come naturally.  Some women have to learn it, earn it and be changed by it, until one day they wake up and realize that they love this child more than they could have ever imagined possible.

During the first few years of our marriage, I beat myself up because motherhood was nothing that I imagined.  I was terrible at it.  Sure, I could take care of her physical needs and protect her easily - but letting her into my heart was a whole different story.

I fought myself every step of the way.  I cried.  A lot.  I yelled.  More than I am proud to admit.  Some days I went nose to nose with my most difficult adversary - a three year old girl.   I was supposed to be supermom, dammit.  I was supposed to know how to do this and be a natural, loving, nurturing woman. 

Let me take a moment to call bullshit.  Excuse my language, but that is just the truth.

If I feel this way, I feel certain that other mothers must feel this way too.  However, this isn't something you talk about.  (Insert sarcasm here)  If anyone asks, motherhood is wonderful and you love every moment of it.  Once again, I cry bullshit. 

Stop beating yourself up for not being perfect.  Let go of all the stereotypes that society pushes upon you as a mother.  Stop expecting to know exactly what you're doing.  

It has taken me almost 5 years, a lot of crying, praying and counseling to realize that motherhood is not necessarily born into a woman.  Some women have to be changed by it.  

Sure, I know what is best for my daughter at times - but that does not mean I have any clue what I'm doing.

Sure, sometimes her endless questions make me want to move to a private island - but I answer each one of them.

Sure, I'm not mommy - but I am HER Vannah.  And that is enough.

Sure, I don't always like her - but I love her more than I could have ever imagined.  I would do anything in the world for her.

Motherhood is not always pretty and don't let anyone tell you differently.  It's hard work.  It's a freaking battlefield - you against society fighting for your little one. 

But hang in there.  Keep praying.  Be honest.  And love that baby.  Just love that baby.  Because when they look back years later, they won't remember the times you cried in the hallway after disciplining them - they'll remember that you loved them. 

To all my imperfect mamas out there - I love you and you are not alone.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)