Houses and Other Such Adventures

Being between houses is an odd feeling - you're not at home in the old one anymore, but you're not yet at home in the new one.  You feel like an intruder in the old one, but not quite comfortable enough to walk around barefoot in the new one.  Your stuff is in a freaky limbo between both. 

If you can't tell, we're moving.  I'm sitting in bed, writing to you - surrounded by new house sounds and smells.  Somehow, though, surrounded by the oddities of my little house - the crooked door, the sloped floor, the super loud flushing toilet - this feels right.  I will miss the comforts and luxuries of our old home, but this feels like OUR home.

This home needs love.  Lying in bed the other night, Paul put it best - "It just needs us."  It needs our soft touches to bring it to life, to show off it's potential.

Adjusting is not going to be easy, that's for sure.  But this is just our next adventure.  When I cry out because the toilet seat is freezing cold (due to no vent in the bathroom), I just have to remember that this is OUR home... We will all adjust because we're here together and our family will make this house a home. 

Even if I do have to go outside to do laundry!

Sometimes, just when you need it, God provides a fresh start.  With us, God used our stupidity and turned it in to something beautiful.  He's using this house, this situation to take us back to the beginning and do things (finances, especially) His way. 

Putting a lot of stock into a house, aren't I?  ;)  No pressure.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

A Lesson Taken From Facebook...

Big changes are coming to my little world. 

Putting the house up for sale.
Downsizing (in everything... goodbye, my sweet LG Cosmos Touch phone).
Sending my puppy to a home that can love him better.
The impending prospect of going to school full-time and working three days a week.
My upcoming college finale.

I get lost in the chaos.  I focus on the clutter and the frustration, on the roller coaster ride and on the disappointments. 

When did I choose to focus on these things and stop focusing on the things that really matter?

With changes comes the devil, trying to get his hands in between my family at every turn.  Trying to destroy the relationship I have with my husband.  To make it weak so it will break.

My sister-in-law gave me the best advice the other day.  She said, "Cling to each other and stay diligent against his attacks."  How right she is. 

Every other week we don't have Brynlea, we kind of get a week off.  However, do you know how long it's been since we've actually planned for a DATE night?  Let's just say, it's been a while. 

I had a friend post on Facebook how wonderful her date night had been with her husband and how it was only that special alone time that was going to get her through the chaos of the rest of the week.  I took that chance to ask my husband out. 

You know what I need to focus on?  My date night tomorrow.  The wonderful time I had with my church family tonight.  Laughing over mistakes like leaving my windows down in the pouring rain.  A wonderful church service coming up tomorrow.  The sweetness of a new found friend, along with her sassy attitude.  The beauty in a simple kiss.  The adventure that God is taking my husband and me on. 

Time to turn my focus.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

When you don't recognize His voice...

There are times when God's voice is so loud that I feel like He's standing right behind me, telling me exactly what I need to know.

Other times, His voice is so soft that I mistake it for the whisper of the wind.

Too often, I simply fail to recognize His voice as His own.

I realized tonight that I am not the only one that this has happened to.  My Bible study called for me to read part of 1 Samuel 3 tonight.  During this passage, Samuel had not yet been called by God to be a prophet.  He was under the teaching of Eli at the time.  While they were sleeping one evening, God spoke to Samuel.  He actually called him by name.  Samuel immediately ran to Eli, wondering what it was that his teacher needed.  Eli told him to go back to bed basically, that he had not called his name.  This happened three times before Eli, a man of God, realized that it was God calling Samuel's name.  He told Samuel to respond with something akin to "Speak Lord, your servant is listening" next time his name was called.  The next time God called Samuel's name, he responded eagerly.  He knew this time who was calling him. 

Ah... this passage was balm to my soul for several reasons. 

First, Samuel did not recognize God's voice the first three times He called to him.  Even then, it was with Eli's help that he recognized it.  Hallelujah!  I am not the only one! 

Second, here's the best part:
Even though Samuel didn't recognize God's voice, his heart was willing and God continued to call him until the boy answered!  God didn't give up simply because Samuel didn't recognize His call the first few times.  My God is persistent in His longing for us!  Soak that in for a minute. 

Samuel was serving where the Lord wanted him and, though he was ignorant to the voice of his God, God continued to call the heart that was bent on serving Him.  How precious is that knowledge!  Knowing that, even though I often mistake His voice or do not recognize it at all, He continues to call!  He continues to pursue me until I answer, "Speak, Father.  I am listening." 

Wow.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

Fury and majesty

Storms.  They've been a regular part of our lives lately.  They come and go.  Appearing without warning.  Disappearing as though they were never there.

Brynlea hates them.

I used to, too.  When I was her age.  Now, something about them fascinates me.  Perhaps it's God's majesty and power represented in them.  His fury, yet the calm after the storm. 

Trees toppled in the wake of a twenty minute wind storm.  It literally only lasted about that long... and left more trees down than I've seen since the April 27 tornadoes. 

A friend mentioned that the trees fell, split, and cracked so easily because we've been without rain.  A tree without water is brittle.  Us without Jesus can be split and cracked just as easily. 

The trees that uprooted had shallow roots.  This tree's roots only went about 2-3 feet deep.  How can we expect to stand firm when our roots are shallow?  Maybe it's this insight from storms that fascinates me.  God speaking directly to us, through the awesome power of His creation.

Shoes muddy from work (well, more like supervision for me). 

When bad enough, lives shattered.  Homes destroyed.  A bird nest broken from it's resting place, tossed to the ground. 

Laboring hands as neighbors help neighbors.  Suddenly, differences are cast aside as one goal becomes more important.  Clean-up.  Help.  Care.  Hospitality.  Doing whatever needs to be done to help one another.  During the April 27th storms, I've never seen more acts that looked like Jesus.  I can't judge the motives, but the love that I saw poured out upon people was nothing short of Jesus.  People were fed and housed.  Shelter and supplies were provided for those without homes, without power, without families.

The beauty after the storm speaks for itself.  My words could never do it justice.  God's voice whispering. 

My fascination with storms has something to do with the power and fury displayed in a creation of the one, true God.  It's got something to do with the ways He uses storms to speak into our lives. 

Just as there is majesty and fury in a storm, there is beauty.

Because I blow it. A lot.

Isn't it amazing how God can speak in such resounding tones, but then in the gentlest whisper?  How His majesty can make the trees tremble and the lightning flash, but when my soul is hurting, His voice blows gentle as a summer breeze?  Oh, it is amazing.

Sometimes, right about the time that I feel like I've conquered my demons, I blow it.  Or I feel like I blow it and those demons come crawling right back, leaving me back at the point where I began.  Sometimes those demons are anger, jealousy, or resentment.  Sometimes stubbornness and pride.  Sometimes hatred.  Just when I feel like I've dug out my demons, I notice the roots pulling me back.

Oh, but my God is amazing.  So, today as I felt some of those demons tugging at me, begging me to sink into the pit that they've created for me, I stumbled upon a blog that I follow by Ann Voskamp called When you feel like you just keep blowing it.  As I read through her account of the day she blew it, but the grace received, I feel Him.  I feel that gentle whisper.  I haven't blown it.  Because my God is gracious and merciful.  Because my God chooses to breathe upon my life, filling it with His spirit... even when I choose to ignore it.  

Even as I wonder when I will ever become the woman that Christ sees me as, I know that I will continue to blow it.  My flesh will continue to creep in.  But my God is never-ending.  To turn from a blow to the cross and recognize His glory makes it worthwhile.  I am so imperfect.  Oh, but He loves me.  Oh, how He loves me.

   

Shirt or Not?

I've been astounded this morning; thus, I must blog about it.

Paul and I went out to a carpet job this morning and I saw not one, but two, men doing yard work shirtless.  And I have to ask myself:

WHY DO SOME MEN THINK IT'S PERFECTLY OKAY TO WORK OUTSIDE (TECHNICALLY IN PUBLIC) WITHOUT THEIR SHIRTS ON??????

First, I know what you're thinking.  No, these two men this morning were not good-looking.  However, that's not my point.  These two men could have been twenty-year-old body builders and I still would NOT have wanted them running around shirtless. 

Save it for your wives, guys.  I could have lived the rest of my life being perfectly content without seeing these men, riding their lawnmowers, shirtless!

If the guy is "good-looking" by the world's standards, they still need to KEEP THEIR SHIRTS ON...

Oh my goodness.  It drove me crazy.  Paul and I are inside this (very friendly) guy's house, cleaning his carpets and he's riding his lawnmower shirtless in the front yard...

Someone explain to me what this is all about.

Somewhat disgusted & perplexed,
Keep Reflecting :)

What you don't know, He does...

Life is catching up with me.  Very, very quickly.  Next Monday, I start my summer mini-semester that lasts three weeks.  After that, one semester stands between me and graduation.  Well, at least college completion.  Graduation will still have to wait until next May, but I will officially be finished with classes and everything in December. 

How exciting.

How exhilarating.

How frappin' scary.

My college schedule hasn't allowed for me to have a job, between classes and childcare.  Now, as December fast approaches, I wonder exactly what my career path is going to hold.  That's the tricky part, you see.  Most people graduate college with an exact career in mind.  They go to school to be teachers, doctors, lawyers, nurses, biologists, and more.  Oh, no... not me.  I just had to be different, dadgumit. 

I will finish college in December with a Bachelor's of Arts degree in English.  Here's the kicker... you ready for it?  I have absolutely NO idea what I'm planning to do with it.  Can I cry a little now? 

Sure, one day I dream of being a published author... but in the meantime, I have to have a job.  

I know that this is all in God's plan.  This is the ultimate test of my control freak nature.  Stepping out completely blind and asking Him to provide.  It scares the crap out of me, if you want to know the truth.  Because I don't know where He wants me.  I don't know what He's calling me to do.  So, He's leading me down this path... this one that feels so right, because it's going to require me to let go and complete trust in His provisions.  

Because what I don't know, He does.

*Sigh*  I just have to remind myself that He has the perfect job out there for me, just waiting.  If I will only trust in Him, not freak out and continue to pray.  He's going to lead.  I know this.  So, why do I freak out?  Because I'm human.  Praise the Lord, He loves me anyways.  Just keep reminding me...

What I don't know, He does... which is basically everything.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :) 

Murder, she wrote...

"C'mon, we're talking about murder... you can't just plan that overnight, especially the good, premeditated kind." 
-Paul :)

So, the hard part about being an author is figuring out... uh, EVERYTHING, about a story. 

Sometimes, you have to put your characters through hell, in order to get to the happy ending.
Sometimes, you have to break their hearts.
Sometimes, you even have to kill them... or pretend to kill them (*wicked wink*)

I couldn't decide how Kate & Jeremiah's story was going to end (even though I'm nowhere near close to finishing), but I've begun to think about it.  I didn't want it to end in a cliche way that leaves the reader feeling as though they missed out on something. 

I have decided though that there MUST be a happy ending.  After all of the hell that I've put Kate through, she deserves a happy ending.  

So, she will get her happy ending.  She'll have to go through obstacles, trials and tribulations.  Throughout the story, she'll feel like she's dying... but I know the ending.  I've promised her a happy ending.

Sound familiar?

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :) 

You either say "Amen" or "Oh me"

I get daily e-mails from Self.com and they are FABULOUS.  You can sign up for free.  The e-mails are full of make-up, healthy living, and time saving tips.  I love it. 

So this is where the "OH ME" began...

I was perusing Self's website and noticed that they had a Drop 10 Challenge going.  You could sign up (for FREE) and they would send you a daily e-mail with recipes and tips in it, as well as workout tips.  Psshh... how could I not give it a shot?  I mean, really.  I do decently with eating healthy, but I'm not where I'd like to be.  Exercise in my life is pretty non-existent, though I know the benefits and I WANT to... I just can't keep up my motivation.  So, I signed up...

Part of the plan is keeping track of your food intake and workouts.  Self.com has free logs that make this all easy for you.  This site is a plethora of healthy information and motivational tools.  So, I began simply by keeping track of everything I ate.  Oh me.  

I also realized that I wasn't able to log any exercise.  Oh me.  

And this is easy!!  The site teaches you to work out, but also helps you burn calories by doing simple things like laundry.  You can do all sorts of things, like calculate how many calories you need to consume daily to maintain your weight and everything.

So... I've had to say "oh me" quite a bit because every time I go to eat something I think about what it means when I go to log it.  Ouch for the ice cream sundae that I "forgot" to log.  Hehe.  See what I mean?  

Here is my goal.  I don't necessarily want to lose 10 pounds (though I would not object).  

To maintain my weight, I must consume 1600 calories.
The Drop 10 Challenge asks you to consume 1360 calories.  Less than 300 calories... that's a Coke or something... I can do that.  (P.S. I will NOT diet, I refuse to diet.  I believe in eating healthy and loving food).

I have tried working out every day... I lose interest very VERY quickly.  So, my goal here is to start with two days a week (Tuesday and Thursday).  

See, I've told you now so I feel like I'm a little more accountable than if I just ask myself to do these things.  

I can do this.  But I won't lie.  I can't do this on my own.  I can only do this with the support of my loving husband and the strength of my Lord.  I can't do this without You, God.  Help me to become healthier in little ways.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :) 

Did I mention that the Drop 10 Challenge allows for 250 "Happy Calories" a day?  Hello, chocolate... here I come :)  That's my kind of program.  

Captured with a click

Sometimes just going through old pictures makes me smile... :)

My favorite little nephew (besides his little brother) picking beans out of his green beans... He never fails to make his "Bana" laugh :)

After a long day at Vannah's school, my little one was tuckered out.  Oh how I wish I could sleep like that... and not ache the next morning.

Troublemakers Anonymous :)

Showing a little skin on the happiest day of my life, next to accepting Jesus. 

The one and only... MINE.

Silly faces and tired feet when the evening was over.  I'm so glad I married my best friend.

So, go ahead... pull up your old pictures.  Smile. 

Until next time,

Keep Reflecting :)

"A" is for Amazed

"A" is for amazed, because lately I have been continually. 

Amazed that people can love and support my family so strongly.  Amazed that God can show up exactly when I don't expect Him to.  Amazed at how fast my feelings toward something can change.  Amazed that the work never seems to end.  Amazed at the finality of the end of a chapter.  Just amazed. 

Paul and I recently felt called to leave our home church.  Ouch.  The church that we began our family in, the church we started our journey together in.  I cried.  A lot.  I didn't want to tell anyone because that only made our decision to follow where we believe God is leading us even more real.  However, this weekend at the annual Marriage Retreat, we told everyone.  I was amazed (though I shouldn't have been) at the love and support that our church family POURED out on us.  They made sure we knew that we were still and would always be part of that family, no matter where we were serving.  They made sure we knew that we were always welcome back, no matter what.  They showered us with hugs and prayers and tears.  It melted everything inside of me.  I should have expected nothing less from the people who have been my family for the past 3 years.  They are amazing.  They will always be family.  To have the blessing of our family as we strike out on a new (and somewhat frightening) path, has meant all the world to me.  I will always love those dear people and they will forever be my family.  I have to smile when I think about the preacher's wife, Susan, hugging me tight and grinning, "That's what we do at Bethlehem.  We build them up and grow them so they can go out.  Isn't it exciting?" 

It is exciting.  We couldn't do it without the amazing support we've received :)

I'm also amazed at the changing of chapters in my life.  I'm opening a new chapter at the new church we're going to be going to.  But also, come August, I'll be preparing for the final chapter of my college career.  I'm amazed at the finality of that.  Finals are approaching and only 1 mini-term and 1 full semester stand in my way of graduation.  The new chapter that that will beckon in is going to amaze me.  I just know it. 

Right now, I'm just going to stand amazed.  Bask in it a bit.  Be amazed. 

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

Slap yourself. I did.

Don't you hate it when you're in one of "those" moods and then, you somehow teach yourself a lesson?  Let me clarify if that sounds a little confusing.

I almost literally just slapped myself in the face.

Here I am wallowing in anger, frustration, and a unhealthy dose of self-pity when I decide to read my posts from the end of last year.  They were literally like a slap in the face.  Once again, I am not in control.  I am never in control.  It's okay to be angry, it's okay to hurt.  It is not okay to sin or to turn my back on the truth.  My God is still bigger than the storm I'm going through.  His will is going to be fulfilled.  Even though we're not sure which way to go at the moment, He will make "the pathway straight" and provide light for our journey.  If something is supposed to happen, He will show us.  I just have to trust in the God of the Universe... you know, the same one that loves me unconditionally.  The same God who formed the worlds cares about me.  Every tear that has slid down my cheek this morning is captured in His bottle.  He's wiped them away with the tip of His finger, dropping them into his bottle and whispering, "Beloved, I'm still right here."  I was just crying too loud to listen to Him. 

I fail.  I fall.  I rant.  I rave.  I cuss.  I shake my fists. 

I'm sorry, Lord.

You are still in control.  Keep showing me. 

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting

Oy with the poodles already!

Sometimes all you can do is turn on some Gilmore Girls and sit back.

When I realize that I don't have it all together, I'll admit Lorelai and Rory soothe me. 

*Sigh*

What's sad is the fact that my mother and I often act like this... :)

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :) and laughing

There You go...

"There You go changing my plans again.  There You go shifting my sands again."

Whoa.  That's really all I can say after hearing this song on Pandora this morning.  As I was absentmindedly playing on Facebook and killing time before class, this whopper pops up and slaps me on the head.  Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  WOW... did I say wow yet? 

Listen to the lyrics carefully and let them sink in. 

"There's too many things that I don't understand so it's into Your hands, Lord.  So it's into Your hands, Lord."  Just when we think we're comfortable where we are, He'll start stirring our soul.  Sometimes He asks us to do things we don't particularly want to do initially.  He's asking me to step out of my comfort zone and into a situation that I know is going to stretch me and my wonderful husband in ways that neither of us can imagine.  However, we know that that stretching is going to create something great for His glory.  Who are we to ignore the call of God?  Who are we to stomp our feet and pout "but I don't wanna"?  We were never meant to live in safety zones.  We were meant to walk out on faith and trust in a Holy God.

"There You go changing my plans again.  There You go shifting my sands again."

Until next time, 
Keep Reflecting :) 

Who are we?

I try, with everything inside of me, to follow God's plan for my life.  I pray through the decisions that I'm not sure about.  I cling tightly to His word and believe that whatever I do, if done in obedience, can be used for His glory.

You know, God gave us our conscience for a reason.  That little niggling feeling inside that tells us something is right or wrong, that we should change our direction.  I know this feeling.  I've felt it before.  So, why is is then, that we normally doubt this feeling when it comes?  When God nudges us through our conscience or our heart, why do we push it aside instead of stepping out on faith?  How many times do we cry out for an answer, yet refuse to move when He answers in a way that we're unsure of? 

I am the world's worst at what I just described.  I did that exact thing when I thought God was calling me NOT to teach.  I took weeks to consider it, pray about it, when the entire time I could feel Him saying, "Hello.  Savannah?  You listening?  Because I am nudging you like crazy and you keep begging me for an answer."  I was afraid to step out on faith and make the next move.  How many times are we afraid of the future?  Afraid of what people will say?  Afraid of doing something that seems illogical? 

Honestly, I'm not sure how to remedy this problem.  All I know to do is pray earnestly, be obedient, and stop continually asking when I refuse to listen.  I need to learn to pray for an answer and then, wait quietly for one. 

"He might not come with the lightning flashing, He might not come while the thunder rolls.  You're gonna know when His spirit is moving, that still, small voice gonna SHAKE YOUR SOUL."  -Lee Marshall.  Enough said.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

The light at the end of the tunnel

What can I say?  I'm in a fabulous mood.  I have been since I discovered that I will be completing my college career this December... well, that and since the weather has warmed up substantially. 

Finally, the cold snap has broken.
Finally, the wave of maddening due dates has ceased for a short time (like a few days).
Finally, I can feel the finality of graduation instead of just thinking about it.

The windows are open.  The breeze is blowing.  The sun is shining.  I have the dream semester for my last semester of college: 3 classes on Tuesdays and Thursday, 1 on Mondays and Wednesday, and Fridays off.  How fabulous is that! 

I know that this last semester is not going to be easy.  I know that this next chapter of our life is going to bring about it's own set of challenges and hardships... but I am so bloody excited to get started!  I know that no matter what this next part of our adventure brings that Paul and I can handle it because we have the God of the Universe on our side. 

Thank You, Lord for what You're doing and what You're going to do.

Next time I'm feeling down, I'm going to pull this up and smile :)

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

And enjoy a song that makes me smile....

A new chapter :)

The realization hit me on a perfect, sunny Thursday morning that the following Tuesday (as in this coming Tuesday) I would be preregistering for my very LAST college semester.  Yes, you heard correctly.  After one class in the May mini-term, I will be in my LAST semester at college :)  In December, I will offically be a graduate with a Bachelor's Degree. 

I had been talking about this and had finally decided this, but the full affect of my decision did not set in until after I talked to my advisor.  I have to say, I felt like dancing or singing or jumping for sheer joy.  All of these years of hard work are so close to paying off! 

Letting go

There is a certain freedom that comes with having no plan.  There's freedom in trusting that God has a plan and all you need to do is be obedient to His calling. 

I've let go of my control.  I've given my future up to the perfectly capable hands of my God.  The decision has been made.

I've decided to drop my teaching licensure and finish college in December with a Bachelor's Degree in English!!  Everyone has been asking what I plan on doing when I graduate since I'm not going to be teaching... I can honestly say I do not know.  I am perfectly okay with that actually.  Paul is okay with that.  My mom didn't freak out when I told her.  These are all signs that told me I was moving in the right direction.  I just know that whatever I do, I'm going to be serving as fully as I can. 

I love this song.  All I can say is... I'm letting go :) It's all in His hands now.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

My venting points...

Here is my disclaimer to this blog:  You do not have to read it.  You can quit at any time.  I've been building up thoughts for the past few weeks that I just want to get it out on paper (well, typing counts too).  They go in no certain order.  They have no deep meaning.  They're just my thoughts.  Like them or not.

On judgemental people:

~ No one asked your opinion.  Keep it to yourself.
~ Just because you're unhappy with your life, doesn't mean that you have to be negative for everyone else.
~ It's not your job to tell everyone else how their life should be "because it's reality."  My life/decisions are clearly none of your business.
~ Don't look down at people who do you services.  
~ Think twice before implying that a job is "below" you... if you eat at fast food or shop in the grocery store, neither of those jobs are below you.  You also just may offend someone who makes a decent living working some place that you deem "below" you.
~ Just because someone doesn't meet your expectations for their life doesn't mean they're not going God's will for their life.     

On marriage:

~ To also judgemental people, marriage can be done right.  Just because yours failed, doesn't give you the right to be a jerk to everyone else. 
~ When centered on God, marriage can be everything you dreamed of and more.  You will fight, you will argue, but it will work out.
~ Making each other laugh is essential.
~ Acting like kids together keeps you laughing with each other. 
~ Be the first to apologize, even when you're right.  Marriage is about making concessions for each other.
~ You're not going to change the person you're marrying... so love them the way they are. 
~ Spend time together.  You are married.  Enjoy each other's company.
~ If you're not prepared to WORK on your relationship, don't get married.  A good marriage takes honest, sincere work.  The rewards are spectacular.

On religion:

~ It's about the relationship... not the religion.
~ It's about grace, love, and mercy.
~ It's not about pushing people away with your judgement. 
~ Loving God.  Loving People.  Loving Ministry.
~ "It's gotta be more like falling in love, than something to believe in.  More like losing my heart, than giving my allegiance.  Caught up, called out."

I don't know what any of this really meant, except that I feel a lot better.  Sometimes you just need an outlet. 

I love my Jesus.  I love my husband and I love my life.  I may not have a plan, but I trust in the One who knows exactly what's going to happen.  My God is bigger than anything I could ever imagine.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

Revolution... Or Revelation :)

So, I've been struggling for weeks with what I'm going to do after graduation.  I don't even know what I'm going to do about graduation if that makes any sense.  My crossroads started with a simple decision: graduate in December with a BA in English OR graduate next May with a BA in English + teaching licensure.  My dilemma arose when I began to question what I wanted to do.  Suddenly, I'm not so sure that I want to teach any more.  School is exhausting me.  I worried myself sick for weeks over this decision. 

Then, I realized... I'm giving myself WAY too much credit. 

You see, I'm praying about this decision and I'm being obedient to what I feel God is leading me to.  However, I realized that He already knows exactly what I'm going to choose.  Either way, I'm going to graduate with a degree.  God knew when I began my journey at MMC that this was going to happen at this exact time.  He knew that I would struggle with this decision.  Here's the kicker though... He already knows EXACTLY what choice I'm going to make and how He's going to use it to His glory because I'm trying to be obedient.  Whoa.  Whoa.  Whoa.  What I decide to do as a career does not make me who I am.  How I serve my Jesus makes me who I am.  He knows that.  When I realized that He already knew what I was going to choose, it was like my chains broke.  I'm no longer worried about this decision.  It's going to be used to His glory alone.  I'm free to live and love Him and love people.  I'm not big enough to screw up God's plan.  I don't know who I thought I was to think something like that.  My God has this.  He's got this.  Ohh.... let me tell you.  When I discovered this, I mean, really let it sink in... Paul had to hear it.  I was bubbling with the Spirit.  I was free.  I was giddy. 

Here's the point.  I'm going to turn into the woman God is creating me to be (one more semester in college or not).  As long as I'm being obedient to His voice, He is going to bless obedience.  He already knows the outcome.  So, that in itself frees me to make the decision and trust Him with the outcome.  WHOA! 

My mama lesson... in the sick family

Since I got married two splendid years ago, I've been learning "mama" lessons.  I'm a step mom only, so that gene that suddenly appears when you give birth has not yet occurred in me.  Nurturing doesn't come naturally.  I've had to learn these mama lessons as I go.  And whether or not she refers to me as mama, I am half mama to that little girl, so that makes me a mama for sure.  For instance:

Mama lesson #1:  Just because I cherish the privacy of my own bed does not make me a bad mother.  In dire circumstances, I can make exceptions.  I've learned, though, that for Miss Thang one night in bed with us can turn into a series of "someone needs to sleep with me" nights.  Mama can only handle so much.

Mama lesson #2:  Not allowing her butt-loads of sugar, also does not make me a bad mama.  Miss Thang drinks water without complaining, and usually prefers it over other stuff (we usually don't have other stuff anyways lol).

Mama lesson #3:  As said mama of the house, I am the authority.  This is something I'm learning in counseling.  Paul and I have the duty from God to shepard Miss Thang in the way that we believe is biblical.  That's a freeing concept that this mama was so thankful to learn.

This week, I've learned a lesson in the sick family.  Not only did Miss Thang get sick, but my dear hubby also got sick this week.  We're talking flu-like sick.  Paul was sick to his stomach.  Miss Thang had a headache, stomach, fever.  So, I learned about taking care of them both.  Medicines every 4 hours to control fevers.  Vitamin C whenever I could get them to swallow it (or chew it, in Miss Thang's case).  Double Vitamin C for mama, because mama cannot end up sick too.  Liquids whenever I could badger them into drinking to ward off dehydration.  Lots and lots of rest. 

My sweet hubs is not totally better yet, but I think he's working that way.  Miss Thang, after a full day of laying around watching TV, has lost the fever and was ready to go back to school.

Mama lesson #4:  When the fever is down and you mention that the kiddo is going back to school, be prepared for the sickness to suddenly reappear.  Be strong.  They will survive. 

Mama lesson #5:  When everyone is comfortably resting, treat yourself to a bubble bath/shower, with a homemade body scrub.  Mix honey with brown sugar.  I know you're automatically thinking you're going to end up sticky, but... it scrubs your skin, leaving it silky soft and washes right off.  Plus, you smell like honey and sugar after!  Mamas need treats every now and then.  Especially when they're taking care of their sick babies. 

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

Bubbles :)

Sometimes life is just not slow enough for me.  It seems like I get a few relaxing days (i.e. last week when I was pleasantly snowed in with only my hubby) and then, it's back to the grindstone.  Sometimes I think the grindstone gets a little rougher when you only want to relax. 

I mean, who doesn't love a Monday when you're already exhausted for the coming week?  Oh... oh... I think I... DON'T.  When the to-do list is a mile long, the Biology lab report is due tomorrow, the house is dusty and dirty, and the kick-off dinner of the week is corndogs.  Sound familiar to anyone but me?  

At this moment, I'm enjoying the sounds of nothing but Brynlea humming in the shower.  I'm not thinking about what has to be done tomorrow.  My dear, sweet hubby is still at work, trying to fix my car window so I won't suffocate as the weather starts warming up.  Right now, I'm thinking of how wonderful he is.  I'm thinking about how nice it was to have 66 degree weather today with the sun shining in the bright blue sky.  I'm thinking about the impending bedtime that comes after shower.  I'm thinking about the lucious bubble bath that I'm planning after said impending bedtime (even though I could be doing a hundred other things).   

'Cause you know what?  The Bible says we shouldn't worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough worries unto itself (paraphrased, of course).  Tonight, it's about waiting for my hubby to come home so I can wrap him in my arms and snuggle up against his chest.  Tonight, it's about the bubbles awaiting me until then.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :) Even when the sun goes behind the clouds.   

Random Ramblings

I am officially tired of drear.  One day it's rain.  The next it's snow.  Someone let me know if I can send it your way, because down here in the South, WE DON'T WANT IT! I need some sunshine.  Thank goodness for my fuzzy socks.

Fuzzy socks have become my best friend.  Especially when it's 30 degrees outside.




Aw :) Check out the fabulous creation that the hubs and I cooked up.  Whole wheat pizza dough, homemade sauce, green peppers, onions, turkey sausage, cheese, and a little bit of bacon.  Can you say yum?  Wipe your chin because I know you're salivating.

Yeah, so this blog wasn't enlightening in any way... I'm okay with that.  I just needed a break from the hard core studying that's about to take place in my house.  Biology and Old & Middle English Literature... prepare to be dominated.  

Until next time,

Keep Reflecting :) and treat yourself to something nice (mine is going to be a self-pedicure) 







Ah, snap!

I am doomed.

I have suddenly lost all ability to care about anything related to my education.

William Butler Yeats... I despise you and your poetry. 

Spanish... I could not care less about your preterites, past tenses, and imperfect verb forms. 

Biology... you bore me at the moment (except for lab where we got to play with jell-o... I mean, who doesn't love Jell-O?). 

Old and Middle English Literature.... quite frankly, I don't care how the Anglo-Saxons wrote. 

Nature Literature... we could possibly come to an agreement, but I'm not sure about you yet. 

Exceptional Child... goodness, are you supposed to be scaring me away from teaching?  Because if you, then you are doing your job fabulously. 

Sigh.

Bigger sigh.

You see, I'm supposed to be working on a take home test about early 20th century poets right now.  However, something inside of me is refusing to allow it.  I have NO motivation.  Not low motivation, no motivation.  Allow my list of complaints for the moment.  The best thing is, you have to because this is my blog.  My back hurts.  I'm cold.  My poor hubby is home sick.  I do not want to be here.  Granted, I am thankful for the opportunity to be here and the ability to be here.  

I don't know what my problem is lately.  

Until next time,
Try to Keep Reflecting (even if you feel like fizzling)
 

Healthy Start: Face Slap... BAM!

So, I've been in Biblical counseling for quite a few weeks now and it's been fabulous.  I'm learning all about how to raise children with the authority that God has given us.  It's been completely mind-changing, let's just say that.  My dear sweet lady counselors give me a verse every week to memorize and use in daily life.  Last week...

1 Corinthians 10:31  "Therefore, whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

This verse can apply to every area of your life... but I'm going to look at just the "whatever you eat or drink" part for now.  I can honestly say my three cookies for breakfast a few days ago were not to the glory of God. 

I wasn't sure where to start on this healthy journey, so I'm starting small.  Last week, I made breakfast burritos in preparation for the upcoming week.  Paul and I made the strict decisions that we only needed to eat one for breakfast, because one had plenty of nutrition in it for breakfast.  This Sunday, I will make more for next week and maybe I'll incorporate some veggies into the eggs like onions and green peppers...

Here comes my next step.  Watch out.  Paul has no problem drinking water throughout the day and once he gets home.  He loves sweet tea and Mountain Dew (which we never have at home), but he is a water kind of man.  Brynlea doesn't really have a choice because she either gets water or milk.  It's rare around our house that we have something like Kool-aid.  So, she doesn't mind water either... and she drinks (like her daddy) like a fish.  I, however, have the problem with water.  I don't particularly care for it.  And I certainly don't drink enough during the day.  Perhaps this has something to do with the fatigue I experience a lot.  I'm a sweet green tea kind of girl... and I justify it.  Green tea is really good for you, full of antioxidants.  But... with 1 1/2 cups of sugar to every gallon of green tea, I'm sure it takes away from the good properties of it.  So, here's the deal (putting it on here makes me feel like I'm at least a little bit accountable):

So, I don't know if you've seen these... but I own both of these water bottles and regularly carry one to school with me.  Usually filled with green tea.  I sip on it all day and then, I'm done.  Then, the green tea comes out of the fridge when I get home.  Here is my challenge to myself (and to you, if you feel like joining me in this journey... you can pick a different favorite drink).  I am going to fill this water bottle with in the mornings before I leave the house, with water.  My goal throughout the day (until dinner time) is to drink at least two of these.  To you, that might not sound like a lot... but for someone who doesn't drink a lot and has to pee ALL the time, this will be a big deal for me.  My green tea and sit in the fridge and wait for me until dinner time.  One glass. 

Now if I make hot tea or something, I'll throw that in there whenever because it has a lot less sugar content than the sweet green tea.  "Therefore, whatever you eat or drink, whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God." 

So, here's to implementation of two steps this coming week: preparation and water drinking (though the water drinking goes into effect immediately lol).

:) And here is to a healthier me.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

Catch a grenade, darlin

I never would have looked at this song in this way had I not read it off of a friend's Facebook.  Initially, one would think this is about a guy who has gotten his heart torn out by the girl he loves.  That is probably how it was meant to be written.  However, after reading my friend's post, I began thinking about this song in a different light.

Close your eyes for a minute as you listen to the song and imagine that Jesus, the Lover of your soul, was singing this song to you.  He paid the ultimate price by dying for me.  He "caught the grenade" for me.  To think that I sometimes act like the "bad woman" in this song slapped me in the face.  How many times do I, in essence, smile to His face but pull out His brakes?  How many times do we act the part, but fail to live the part?  When you initially listen to this song, you probably think... "What a jerk" about the girl who is hurting this guy who would obviously do anything for her.  How many times am I that girl though?  Jesus died for me.  He bled for me.  He suffered inexplicable pain... for me.  And for you.  So many times, we treat Jesus as something we can throw into our lives when we feel like it... we don't realize that He desires a real, living, moving, active relationship with us.  He desires our love in return. 

I will never look at this song the same way. 

Every time I hear it now I will use it to remind me that Jesus would "catch a grenade" for me.  And ultimately did so much more than that... because He died out of love for me.

Below are the lyrics to this song, if you're wondering what they are exactly:

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live 
Oh take, take, take it all, but you never give
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss 
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open? 

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked 
cause what you don't understand

Is I'd catch a grenade for ya 
Throw my hand on the blade for ya (yeah yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah yeah)
Oh-oh I would go through all this pain 
Take a bullet straight through my brain 
Yes I would die for ya baby, but you won't do the same..

No, no, no, no-oh

Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb 
Tell the devil I said hey when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman that's just what you are, yeah 
You smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love 
Is all I ever asked cause what you don't understand 

Is I'd catch a grenade for ya 
Throw my hand on the blade for ya (yeah yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah yeah)
Oh-oh I would go through all this pain 
Take a bullet straight through my brain 
Yes I would die for ya baby, but you won't do the same..

If my body was on fire 
Ooh you would watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar 
Cause you never ever ever did baby..

But darlin' I'd still catch a grenade for ya 
Throw my hand on the blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya 
You know I'd do anything for ya
Oh-oh I would go through all this pain, yeah
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for ya baby, but you won't do the same..

No you won't do the same
you wouldn't do the same  Ooh
you'd never do the same
Noo no no no-oh.

Reflect on that.

Until next time,

Keep Reflecting :)

When I grow up...

Everyone used to ask you as a kid what you wanted to be when you grew up.  Some kids wanted to be ballerinas, firefighters, astronauts, and maybe the President of United States.  These things were dreams and hopes, things to be reached for.  You wouldn't think of telling your child that they couldn't be a world-class figure skater like Tara Lipinski (for those of you who know who she is).  But as you grow up, people stop asking you what you want to be and start expecting you to decide what your career will be for the rest of your life.  You go to college to get a degree that is going to put you in a career that will supposedly last "long term".  If you change your mind a hundred times, people think you're wishy-washy.  HELLO!  With all the importance society puts on this, it's a big frappin' decision to make when you're just graduating high school. 

When I was little, I dreamt of being a figure skater.  I wanted nothing more than to be out there, on the ice, freezing my butt off.  But out on the ice, it was just me, the music, and the sound of blades slicing the ice.  As I got a little older, my mind began to change.  Somehow I thought that was unattainable.  I wanted to be a journalist.  I wanted to be an author.  I wanted to be a pilot, a lawyer, a police officer at one point.  I wanted to be a chef, to own my own inn.  Then, I decided on being a kindergarten teacher in my Sophomore year of high school.  I started college.  A year and a half into it, I decided I wanted to teach secondary English.  

There are times, many times, when I'm still not sure that I want to teach.  I'll be honest.  I want to write.  Anything, everything.  I have a fabulous husband and a stepdaughter.  I need a decent paying job and a steady one at that.  Bless my dear, sweet husband, because a few nights ago we were talking about my degree and he said, "Whatever you do when you get out of college..."; he said this because he knows my unease.  I don't know why I can't seem to make up my mind.  I do know one thing.  Next May, I will graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in English with Teaching Licensure and a Biology Endorsement.  I am too stinkin' close to stop now.  

What I want to know is where we get this idea that we have to be stuck in one career for our entire lives?  Yes, maybe God places you in a career and decides not to move you... but what if He decides change your path?  Why do we set so much stock on a decision that KIDS make before they're even adults yet?  

So, you know what?  I'm going to finish my degree.  When I'm done, I'm going to get a job.  I will leave that part completely in God's hands, though.  Maybe it will be a teaching job, or maybe He has something else planned.  I guess I'll find out when I get there.  

When I grow up, I want to be..... ?  Can you honestly answer that question?  I'm not subjecting myself to being stuck with one career for the rest of my life.  Once I graduate, it will be about providing income for my family... but, who knows?  God may have a completely different plan for that than I do... or He may have the perfect teaching position for me.  I've got to step away from the controls and trust Him totally.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)  

Bad Influence?

I remember the day my dear mama conceded to letting her legal (18) daughter get her very first tattoo.  It took a lot of convincing and a lot of prayer, but after about a week of consideration, I was in the car with my aunts, cousins, and mom headed to one of Denver's finest tattoo parlors.  We made it a family ordeal.  My cousin, aunt, and I all got tattoos that day.  Mine took longer to prep than it actually took to do.  Three years later and I've never once regretted the quarter-sized black Jesus-fish on my big toe. 



I can also remember the look on my mother's face when I mentioned that I would like another one... HA.  Needless to say, she was a little shocked.  My husband has beautiful tattoos, which I love.  But let me just say, that they sent shockwaves through my little Southern Baptist Church when we decided to get married. 

Parents talk all the time to their children about bad influences.  In some places, I could be considered one I suppose.  I married, at 18, a man who was 8 years older with a daughter.  I like tattoos.  I want another one.  I like painting my nails black.  I own a gorgeous little .380 handgun that just happens to be pink and, as soon as I get the money for it, I'm going to get my concealed weapons permit.  Sometimes I curse when I'm mad.  I voice my opinions more than I probably should.  I like to make waves sometimes.  There are many people that I sent reeling as I got older because I didn't fit into the nice little mold that I should have. 

However...

I love my Jesus.  I love people.  I desire to put God first in everything I do.  I believe in a relationship with the Creator of the Universe rather than a religion full of legalism.  I want to do something to help the hurting.  I love passionately.  I try to find the good in most situations.  The God of the Universe loves me just the way I am, imperfections and all.  

So, maybe I throw a needle at the perfect ideal bubble.  Sometimes Christians are so quick to judge others because of what they look like... their tattoos, what they wear to church, etc.  But I have to stop and think, if they're going to be judged... I should be as well.  After all, some of the things I mentioned above are enough to count me as a "bad influence" in the eyes of some people.  

I don't know that you'll take anything from this and I don't know that you were meant to, but I sure do feel better :)  Thanks everyone for listening to me.

Until next time,

Keep Reflecting :)   

Healthy Start: Preparation

I discovered this morning one of the main reasons we consume so much junk... lack of preparation.  Let me explain.

I ate pop tarts this morning for breakfast, which we all know is not the best food for breakfast for several reasons: 1) they ave very little nutritional value and 2) they're not very good compared to eggs or something like that.  Do you know why I ate pop tarts this morning?  Not because I particularly wanted pop tarts.  I ate them because I was rushed and I didn't have time to make myself breakfast and... *drum roll* preparation would have saved me this.

Many times I've found that we eat our worst when we're rushing or when we're searching for convenience.  If we would take one day a week and prepare some (healthy) fast meals, it would save us from eating a lot of junk.  If I took one evening and made some healthy breakfast burritos (at least healthier than pop tarts), they could be frozen and popped in the microwave quickly in the mornings.  That's just the example that jumped out to me.

So, I need to start thinking ahead if my family is going to start eating healthier.  One of these preparations is also meal planning.  I've found that we eat better healthier when we're not rushing to find what we're going to eat for dinner.  If I sit down and say, here are seven meals that can be prepared in any order in the next week, it will cut down on my stress and make it simpler for my family to eat healthy.  Also, by planning the meals ahead of time, I'll be able to pick one day to prepare things that need to be done before hand (burritos for breakfast, meals frozen so they can be heated up in the oven quickly). 

This was my little discovery for the week.  I have discovered it.  Now it's time to see if I can actually put it into practice or not.

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)

Healthy Start: Taking Note

Let me just point out that when you decide to keep note of everything you eat for a week, you will, inevitably, find yourself feeling more guilty about the crap that you put into your system. 

Boo...

You don't really feel bad about the "normal" stuff... like a biscuit for breakfast, chips with lunch... you get my point.  However, you do begin to feel insanely guilty when you eat something like microwave popcorn for dinner! :(  Shame on me.  I would justify it saying...
1) I was the only one eating (Paul didn't feel well)
2) nothing else was easily accessible and
3) I'm a popcorn junkie... but, quite frankly, you and I both know that those are only said to make myself feel better. 

Well, I'm not going to beat myself up over this because this week is just supposed to be about taking note of everything I eat (even if it is popcorn for dinner).  I did get a really good idea last night while I was feeling bad about all the popcorn I was scarfing down.  I've decided to start making small, freezable meals (like for one person) that only need to be popped in the microwave.  For example, cook some barbeque chicken and sauteed veggies.  Place them in a freezer container and then, when it comes time for only one person in the house to eat... I'm not scrambling around trying to find food.  Preparation is the key to keeping my family and myself eating healthy, I think. 

Ugh... I hate preparation....
BUT... I don't want to eat popcorn for dinner....

Until next time,
While I keep trying... Keep Reflecting :)

The beginning of a healthier me...

I'm happy with my body for the most part.  I love my curves and I love my body shape.  I do not, however, love the fact that I often suffer from fatigue and am not the healthiest me I can be.  I love my husband's body.  I think he is the sexiest man alive.  However, he is not happy with the way he looks or feels.  So, we're about to embark on a journey to remake our lifestyles.  You, my readers, are coming along for the journey :)

I love food.  I love cooking.  I love the smells, the mixing of spices and herbs, the creation of a delicious meal out of mere ingredients.  I have always refused to diet.  I hate diets with a passion.  This journey is not about a diet.  This journey is going to be about changing the foods my family eats in order to make my family more healthy.  I'm talking REAL foods.  This isn't going to happen overnight and I know that.  It's going to be slow-going and it's going to be fairly difficult, but I desperately want myself and my family to be healthy.  I've already started a few little things like switching to whole wheat bread and spaghetti, brown rice, olive oil, etc.  

I got overwhelmed really quickly when Paul and I decided to do this because I wasn't sure where to start.  I've asked the advice of people like my sister-in-law, who is doing something like this.  Then, I found somewhat of a guide in AllYou magazine!  Yay them!  :)  I'm going to repeat that the whole point of this journey is to remake my family's eating habits and begin eating REAL food, rather than so much processed junk.  I had a teacher that once told me, "Look at the delicious foods God created!  Let's eat them naturally, instead of processing them." 

The AllYou guide starts with Week One: Noting Your Foods.  During week one (which will start on Monday once I run it past my hubby), you carry around a small notebook and make note of everything you eat or drink during the week (a full 7 days).  This week is not about changing your eating.  This week is simply about noting everything you consume.  At the end of this week, we're supposed to highlight everything in the journal that is processed or packaged.  

I'll let you know how it goes and I plan to inform you of the journey along the way.  I'll inform you of interesting tidbits I find out.  You may even find yourself wanting to eat healthier, but that is your decision.  I don't even know if you'll find these posts interesting, but that's the great thing... it's my blog! :)  By the way, you know I love all my readers!

Until next time,
Keep Reflecting :)