Hands up, step away from the controls ma'am!

We all have our flaws.  It's undeniable.  I happen to be an insane control freak.  It's something I inherit from my lovely mother, as she will readily admit.  I have always been a control freak, now that I look back at my high school years.  I always hated group projects because I couldn't control how my grade was going to turn out.  So, you know what I did?  I would become the group leader, of course!  That way I could control the way everything turned out and make up for others where I thought they lacked.  This lovely trait (let's call it CFD -control freak disorder, shall we?) has stuck with me way past high school.  CFD makes me want to control EVERYTHING.  When I am not in control, it drives me bonkers, to say the least. 

I know I am not the only one like this.  I long with everything in me to overcome CFD.  Anger surges over me when someone other than myself is dictating the way my life should go.  I thrive on schedules and plans.  However, these past couple of weeks, God has been testing my CFD.  I have not been able to control hardly anything in my life.  I have had to accept the fact that concerning things that have been going on lately, I cannot control them.  A certain Sara Bareilles song speaks to my heart during this time.  It's called "King of Anything" and the chorus goes like this:

Who cares if you disagree?  You are not me.  Who made you king of anything?

You try and tell me who to be.  Who died and made you king of anything?

Though this song rings true to me, I know that I cannot control everything.  Despite what I want, God is ultimately in control.  So, last night as I was fuming and thinking of cursing, I heard a Brandon Heath song that rang even more true than that... it said, "I'm not gonna fight you anymore.  I'm not gonna try to lock the door.  You gave your life to give me yours.  There's no reason why I shouldn't trust you with mine." 

HELLOOO!!!  Hit me on the head with a brick, why don't ya?  I cannot control everything.  Actually, I technically cannot control anything.  God is in complete control of my entire life.  Why do I fight tooth and nail to maintain control when I know that relinquishing control to Him would give me more freedom than I ever dreamed possible?  For those of you who also suffer with CFD, give it over to Him.  It's a daily struggle.  I'm coming to realize, though, if I don't give it up, He will try me until I finally relinquish it to Him unwillingly.  I would rather just give it up to Him anyway.  So, I will continually try.  Over and over and over.

And over again.

Until next time,

Keep Reflecting :)